Teens – Let’s Talk about those Stuff that Matter

 

Friends

It is said that ‘you go as the friends or company you keep’. Choose your friends wisely. Stay away from those who give you bad advice, make you do what you do not want to do or what is not right. This is peer pressure. Avoid negative influences. Learn to say ‘No’ and mean it.

Make friends with those who share your values and interests. Associate with good and responsible people. Associate with those who make positive impact on you and influence you to be better. Remember, someone who stops being your friend was never a friend.

Some teenagers give in to peer pressure because they want to be liked, they do not want to be made fun of or due to curiosity. Walk away from situations and people that will make you compromise your standards or convictions.

Teens who know what they want and are not afraid to say ‘no’ to negative peer pressure attract the respect and admiration of others.

Avoid those who coerce, tease, intimidate or threaten others. They are bullies. Ignore them. They act to gain attention. They usually end up in trouble. A bully is the one with a problem not you. The good news is that they can change their behaviour. Well-behaved teenagers are liked and attract the respect of their peers.

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Your body

Protect your body from substances that can be harmful to your body and mind. Stay away from drugs, alcohol and cigarette. Avoid people who use them and pressure others to do the same. Indulge in those things that promote your health, safety and well-being.

Some young people get introduced to drugs, alcohol and smoking by their friends. They experiment with these substances because they desire acceptance and become addicted.

Some in search of relief when going through emotional pain try these illicit substances and instead of finding relief become addicted. They rely on smoking or drinking to make their hurt go away temporarily but these are wrong options.

It is normal for a young person to be bored, depressed or experience emotional pain sometimes due to problems at school, in the family or neighborhood. We all pass through difficult times. The good news is that this will also go away. Stay positive. Read, participate in team sports, exercise, art or writing and other gainful activities.

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Sexual values

There are some things that should wait. Sex is one of them. Abstain from sex. This is meant to take place in marriage. Some teens have sex because their friends pressure them to. A friend who pressure you to have sex is not a good friend. Do not allow anyone lure, blackmail or intimidate you into having sex or doing what you do not want to do.

Sex can lead to serious consequences such as unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), parenthood, dropping out of school and shame. Chasity is a wise and healthy choice. It demonstrates a healthy self-esteem. It prevents getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant. This way you don’t miss out on your youthful years.

Do not get involved in a relationship it can be a major distraction. Dress decently and responsibly, avoid kissing and do not allow wrong touching.  Develop healthy friendships characterized by respect and consideration for the other person.

Concentrate on your studies. Share knowledge, information and ideas. Focus on the importance of higher education, benefits of furthering your education and skills.

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Do what is right

Avoid inappropriate materials and values portrayed by the media, internet and lyrics of music. Make responsible choices. Read, participate in sports playing or as a fan.

Be a positive role model for others. Do what is right. If it is bad because others are doing it does not make it right. Do not be afraid to be different.

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Be obedient. Learn to communicate with your parents. Confide in your parents. Talk to them when facing difficulties, fears and when confused.

You can talk to trusted and responsible adults, your teacher or school counsellor.

Stay happy

Acknowledge individual differences and peculiarities. We cannot all be the same. Be happy for the success of others. Be yourself. Dream big.

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Get to know God. Build a relationship with Him. You’ve got to fulfill God’s plan for your life.

 

Protecting Your Children from the Effects of Divorce

Despite the ending of your marriage you remain a parent. It is your responsibility and that of your ex-partner to ensure continued parenting of your children to safeguard their welfare.  Divorce subjects children to great risks. You would need to resolve to cooperate with your ex-spouse for the sake of your children. This way you prevent emotional damage divorce inflicts on children and ensure their well-being.

 

Tips to help you protect your children:
  • As the custodial parent, you should behave with dignity towards your ex-spouse this way you will be doing what is best for your children.
  • Be polite in your interactions with your ex. Maintain a working relationship as peacefully as possible in the best interest of your children.
  • Cooperate to meet the physical and emotional needs of your children. Make their wellbeing your top priority.
  • Deal with your children with patience and give them unconditional love.
  • Reassure them that both parents will continue to love and take care of them and that they are not responsible for the divorce or separation.
  • Don’t say anything negative about the other parent to the children, avoid blaming or being critical. Be respectful of the other parent.
  • When you recount what happened in your marriage be sincere and positive.
  • If you have problems with issues consequent to the separation or with parenting, you can seek professional help for amicable settlement.
  • Forgiveness is important. Be forgiving.
  • Raise your children God’s way. Help them build a relationship with God.

The Conflict Management Toolkit for Families

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  1. Foundation is crucial, start right.
  2. Share the same spiritual convictions.
  3. Build on a relationship driven by the man
  4. Obey divine order as regards headship of the man
  5. Cultivate positive and intimate communication.
  6. Take each other’s feelings into account before doing anything
  7. Express your feelings, concerns, interests calmly
  8. Correct her in love
  9. Unite to solve your problems with respect.  Don’t assume the worst. There are many possible reasons for his or her behaviour. Be honest, open come up with solutions together. Promote a common ground
  10. Encourage dialogue. Allow him complete his sentence before replying. Stay on the subject. Take responsibility for your own responses
  11. Accept responsibility for your own role in the disagreement. Initiate contact
  12. Be willing to forgive
  13. Trust each other. Be trustworthy. Avoid being suspicious.
  14. Read on marriage. Attend seminars. Shouldn’t we all
  15. Listen to him and respond with care
  16. Understand each other
  17. Give unconditional respect to your husband.
  18. Appreciate, accept, notice, admire, commend him
  19. Endure together
  20. Tolerate each other
  21. Offer your advice and help if he asks for it
  22. Don’t correct him in public
  23. Turn your fights into good ones
  24. Figure out the real problem, concerns, needs
  25. Remove barriers to effective listening ego, assumption, defensiveness, impatience,
  26. In making decisions make use of her opinions, insights and suggestions
  27. Meet his emotional needs.
  28. Understand the other person’s point of view
  29. Be hard working with direction
  30. Encourage your partner’s dreams and goals
  31. Be happy with each other’s successes and achievements
  32. Give unconditional love to your wife. Tell her you love her
  33. Love his mother
  34. Spend time together. Share his interests
  35. Encourage your husband
  36. Let there be enthusiastic agreement between you
  37. Let go of wanting to be right. A third position may exist
  38. Honour your parents
  39. Don’t think it is greener on the other side
  40. Be aware and respectful of each other’s differences. Manage these differences
  41. Appearance matters pay attention to this. Pay compliments to each other
  42. Support him to create financial security
  43. Keep each other informed of happenings at end of each day
  44. Make financial decisions together. Ensure financial intimacy. Be financially responsible
  45. Be considerate.
  46. Be positive. View your spouse in a positive light.
  47. Admit when wrong and apologize
  48. Do not take it personally
  49. Figure out what the other person is feeling.
  50. Protect your partner. Portray your spouse in good light to your family.
  51. Watch how your attitude and actions impact on your spouse
  52. Subdue and control your emotions
  53. Don’t let negative thoughts linger renew your mind  replace negative thoughts with positive ones
  54. Treat your spouse better than you treat anyone else
  55. Paint the big picture
  56. Ensure physical intimacy
  57. Many people have worse problems but prefer to  work it out
  58. Not who is right but what is right
  59. Control and change yourself to change your spouse.
  60. Be faithful, do not have an affair, be committed to your own unique and special gift

With the Children

The father should spend quality time with his children. Lead by example. Model Christ, love and fear of God, personal relationship with God

Raise a disciplined family. Do not do what you don’t want your children to do.

Treat your spouse well to teach your children how to manage their own relationships

The mother should model and help her family do what is right. A mother God-fearing, kind, strong, comforting, observant, watchful and protects her children.

Parents should impart and be the pattern of family values of honesty, integrity, self-discipline, self-control, kindness, respect, decorum, diligence, hard work to their children.

Train your children. Discipline them in love. Be firm and positive.

Create family rules together with your younger children on clear boundaries, standards and expectations on moral and ethical conduct, chastity, road safety, good manners, to help them make the right choices.

Build a close knit and affectionate family. Keep the line of communication open and free with your children. Give unconditional love to each child.

Establish structure, guidance, and order in the home

Pray for your children always. Be a praying wife and mother

Pray together as a family

 

 

 

 

Protecting Your Loved Ones in Case of Eventualities

Estate planning ensures your assets are distributed the way you want after you die. An estate plan helps you name those you want to receive the things you own after your death. This will give you peace of mind knowing you have protected your family and loved ones from those that may want to take advantage of them and the situation.

A good estate plan can help avert future problems and take care of potential risks or harm to the well-being and future of children. Succession or inheritance disputes are common phenomena characterized by deep hostilities and acrimony. Conflict associated with estate matters can tear siblings or families apart.

The process of mediation helps resolve estate disputes without going through the court system which can be costly, time consuming and divisive. Family members and beneficiaries with the help of a mediator dialogue plans on transfer of assets. A mediator can help parties focus on the future and arrive at creative and peaceful solutions.

PROTECTING YOUR LOVED ONES

Create a will

You may wish to distribute your assets by way of gifts while still alive to take effect after your death. A lawyer experienced in estate law can assist in this regard.

You may leave instructions with some of your family members (selected wisely) those you know will protect your wishes and loved ones especially if your wife has no child

Make your wife when expedient and/or your grown up children (18 years or above) next of-kin in official documents.

Prepare your wife, children for responsibility to succeed you in your business

Empower your wife economically. When women are empowered children are empowered because a woman will take care of her children

Practice joint ownership of assets with your wife with her full name in relevant documents to enable her access the assets without official or family hindrances

Disclose your assets to your wife

Make your wife co-signatory to your account. Keep a joint account with her so that she can take care of your children. Whatever may be her situation a woman would not forget her children

After the demise of her husband a widow who confronts difficulties with her in-laws and fears for her children and their future should seek peaceful intervention through mediation.